


When Alex Yells, Hamish Sees Jim

by hitchhikersmanualtothetardis



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 14:46:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4395992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hitchhikersmanualtothetardis/pseuds/hitchhikersmanualtothetardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Alex starts yelling, all Hamish can see is Jim, and it scares him more than anything. <br/>Pure fluff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Alex Yells, Hamish Sees Jim

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this post that I found while creepin through the hamex tag: http://ghostofpluto.co.vu/post/77803433408/hamish-gets-scared-when-alex-is-yelling-because

The first time Hamish hears Alex yell, actually full on scream, nothing but pure unfiltered rage, he is filling a kettle to make tea. They had lived together in this tiny little flat for barely a week and things were going well, except for the fact that the flat had no hot water, which they were both told numerous times would be fixed before they even moved in. Alex was screaming into the phone about rent payments and contracts and freezing his ass off in the shower and Hamish could hear the slight shake in his voice that just served as evidence of his fury and sounded oh so much like his father’s voice when he was angry. Alex sounded so much like Jim and that shook Hamish to his very core.

Alex finally got off the phone, finished arguing his case, and sighed, walking back into the kitchen and coming right behind Hamish. Alex pressed up against him, front to back, placing a quick kiss to his neck. That was when he noticed that Hamish was shaking like a leaf, staring straight ahead, unblinking. The kettle in his hand was overflowing into the empty sink, water rushing over the sides.

“Mish?” Alex turned his head, craning his neck to look at Hamish’s face, holding onto his waist. He could see a small tear forming in Hamish’s eye. “Mish? Is everything okay?”

Hamish snapped out of his trance, shocked, dropping the kettle in his hands with a loud clang and quickly wiping his eyes on his long sleeves. His voice was shaking when he spoke, as were his hands as he tried to finish making tea. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He gently brushed his Alex’s hands off his waist so he could freely walk over to the stove. Alex shoved his hands into his pockets, looking down.

“Mish, I know that’s not true,” Alex half whispered it, and Hamish could tell he was ashamed, and also unsure. He knew he should be ashamed, but was completely unsure of what.

“It’s nothing, really, Alex,” Hamish sniffled quietly and leaned his back against the stove, facing Alex, who was looking disbelievingly at the floor. Hamish stepped forward and grabbed Alex’s shoulders, lowering his head to coax Alex to look him in the eye, firmly saying, “It’s nothing, okay?”

Alex nodded, lifting his head and slowly getting back into the flow of the day. They acted like nothing happened, but he kept the memory in the back of his mind.

~

The second time Hamish hears Alex yell, it’s directed at him. They are screaming at each other, and Alex is absolutely livid. Neither of them could remember exactly where the fight started, it had gotten so far off track. Both of them were attacking each other for minor offenses at this point, cutting lower and lower below the belt, both of them worn out from fighting for so long and both emotionally destroyed by each other’s shots. Hamish is running out of ammo for his argument and his throat is raw from screaming when he hears it. He hears the quiver in his voice. The little shake of hellfire that is completely reminiscent of James Moriarty. It reminded Hamish just whose son his boyfriend really was. It also reminded him of something Sherlock used to do when his fathers were fighting.

“Pause!” He screamed it over Alex’s shouts ringing in his ears, and he definitely did not expect it to work, but, nonetheless, Alex paused, his eyes going soft and all the wrath flooding out of his face.

The ferocity in his eyes was completely replaced with what looked like both confusion and concern. His voice was scratchy, but it no longer sounded like Jim when he asked, “What?”

“I said pause.” Hamish breathed out, bracing both of his hands on the back of their couch, leaning over to steady himself and his breathing. He felt tears prickle his eyes, but blinked them away quickly.

“Mish, are you alright?” Alex rushed over, gently placing a hand on Hamish’s back and leaning down to look at his face.

“Yeah, I’m—I am fine. I just needed to take a breath and…” His voice faded out, but Alex knew what was coming and walked over to pull Hamish off the couch and wrap him up in a tight hug.

“And remember how much you love me?” Alex finished, and, feeling Hamish nod a confirmation of his words against his shoulder, continued, “Well, I love you. A lot. Even if we are mid-fight. I love you. Okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Hamish nodded again, but did not let go of Alex, “I love you too. Can we stop fighting? Please?” Hamish leaned back just enough to look into Alex’s eyes when he says it and both of them relax completely into each other’s arms.

“Of course. Anything for you.” Alex says before burying his face in Hamish’s shoulder again. And he means it, every word.

~

The third time Hamish hears Alex yell, he was on the phone again, yelling at someone about something, but Hamish cannot bring himself to care. He walks into their flat and hears the screaming from the other room. All he wants to do is turn around and walk back out when he hears the way Alex’s voice wobbles, but his feet carry him forward towards their bedroom where Alex is sitting on their bed, hands flailing animatedly, as he screams into the phone. Hamish hears his voice, much louder now that they are in the same room, and his knees go weak. All he can see looking at Alex is the vehemence in his eyes, the ones that look exactly like Jim’s.

Alex sees Hamish walk in and stop dead in his tracks, and he quickly lowers his voice, as if trying to hide his anger. “Listen,” he practically hisses into the phone, “We will finish this discussion later.” The words are barely out of his mouth when he snaps the phone shut, his eyes softening instantly, meeting with Hamish’s as he stands. Just as he has fully stood, Hamish rushes over and wraps his arms tightly around his boyfriend’s waist, holding on for dear life and tucking his head under his chin, leaning into his chest to listen to his heartbeat. 

“Hey, how was your day?” Alex asks, his voice even and calm again.

Hamish mumbles what sounds like it could be a ‘good’ into Alex’s chest, but he is not sure, so he just drags the two of them back onto their bed where they cuddle together until Hamish calms down.

~

They are sitting on the couch a few days later, just leaning against each other, not talking and playing on their phones when it hits Alex like a ton of bricks. He cannot help but break the comfortable silence.

“It’s when I yell. That’s it, isn’t it?” He can feel Hamish tense against his side and takes it as confirmation, but waits to continue until he sees him slowly place his phone in his lap, nodding. “Why? Are you… are you afraid of me?”

Hamish is quick to contradict him, not wanting him to think such a thing, even for a second, “No, of course not. I just… When you start screaming, all I can see is your father, all I can see is Jim.” His voice shakes a little, but he does his best to steady it, knowing it had to be said at some point.

Alex turns them both gently so they are facing each other, looking directly into one another’s eyes, “I am not my father.” He says it with such finality and confidence that Hamish thinks that is the end of the conversation, until he continues, “I am not my father, and I will not do the things he did or become what he became. I may seem just like him in those moments, but it is only because he is my father, nothing more.”

Hamish nods, quickly kissing away the dismayed look on Alex’s face and whispering a quiet ‘thank you’ before cuddling back into Alex’s arms. They fall asleep like that, and Hamish cannot help but notice in the days ahead that there is much less screaming around their flat, and when there is, it bothers him a whole lot less.


End file.
